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hoganddice:

takethethirdoption:

I went to an Arab-American comedy night and there was a Muslim guy making a joke about being in high school football.

"I was hit so hard, I saw Jesus. Do you know how hard you have to be hit to see somebody else’s god?"

This is what jokes about religion are supposed to look like.

romano-aru:

whovian2711:

So last week me and my friend were trying out a faceswap app

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And for some reason it wouldn’t recognise that there were 2 faces in the picture

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So we tried it from a different angle and

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I was really confused and kind of offended at what it’d done to my face

BUT THEN

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NOT A DAY PASSES WHEN I DON’T LAUGH AT THIS

spudsexuall:

It’s so fucking weird how girls can just tell when our periods start. Like the exact fucking moment. You’re just sitting in bed or standing in line for groceries and your face does that thing kind of like in That’s so Raven when Raven gets a vision

potassiurn:

you want the d?

oh you mean my

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116,418 plays

coluring:

if i’m not in your snapchat best friends we can’t be best friends

baracknobama:

why are cats always so relaxed when the government is a mess

llamasouls:

llamasouls:

llamasouls:

haha my friends having his penis deducted at a catholic hospital and like before the surgery all the nurses prayed over his dick for a “fast recovery” haha

update
apparently one of them was holding his dick and the doctor was all like “let us pray” and the person just continued to hold it

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